Group Guidelines

Coming together in a group can be a wonderful way to increase your connection with others and recognize that you are not the only one who may be struggling with or trying to understand issues around food and bodies. A sense of community may help build confidence, strength, and resilience, and can aid both the learning and healing process. Some groups foster more sharing of personal experience while others, such as book club, have less.

Because topics discussed here are sensitive (the kind that may lead to a sense of isolation, secrecy, feeling broken/tired/frustrated or shame), we want to create an environment where people - ALL people - can feel more at ease showing up as their authentic selves, without having to defend or explain themselves, nor feel a need to be performative.

People are neuro-biologically wired for bias. There is both implicit and explicit bias. Implicit bias lies beneath the conscience and is created by simply living in this world and how we are socialized or taught. Recognizing and understanding our own bias as well as our privilege is part of this work. There is a lot of unlearning and unraveling to do as well as examining and learning anew.

Here we recognize and celebrate that bodies come in a variety of sizes, shapes, colors, genders, abilities, heritages, etc., and that no one variation or combination of these characteristics makes someone more or less worthy or valuable as a person. Similarly, everyone’s health status is unique, including variations of mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, neurological, economic, physical health, etc., that may or may not be visible to the eye or known to others, but are nevertheless contributing factors to how someone lives their life.

Showing up in a group can trigger body comparison and judgmental thoughts of self and others. Although there may be many differences among people, the focus on body shape and size is common and part of the experience of a distressed body image. The personal risk you take by showing up is courageous, and we will make efforts to create a safer space where critical or judgmental comments about bodies or selves are discouraged; and creating a brave space for you to challenge yourself to engage wholly and authentically in the group. We take risks to build community. We can learn, grow, and heal in relation with each other here.

We welcome you here. We are glad you showed up, and we ask that you follow these guidelines:

HONOR CONFIDENTIALITY

First names and pronouns are shared in groups. Disclosure of other identifying information beyond that (for example your occupation) is yours to volunteer or would require your consent to be shared by anyone else. Anything said between two or more people at any time is part of the group and is confidential. Keep private the names of other members of the group and what they say. To maintain confidence when talking about the group to others later or outside of the group, leave all identifying material about the other member out of the conversation. You can talk about what got activated for you - your reaction is yours to share, but the origin and details of anyone else must be kept confidential.

RESPECT PRIVACY

No one in the group is ever required to answer any question, to participate in any activity, nor to tell anything of themselves. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, you have the right to pass or refuse to speak. Members will benefit more from being in the group the more you are able to take risks in sharing and participating. Aim to reveal rather than conceal; and express rather than repress yourself - as you see fit.

MAINTAIN DIGNITY

No group member is ever humiliated, demeaned, shamed, or abused in any way. Additionally, there is absolutely no body bashing or body shaming of ANY BODY, your own or anyone else’s. Specifically in this space, we will not equate health with weight nor gender with anatomy. We will respect people’s identities and recognize our privileges.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

You are responsible for asking for what you need for yourself and whether you agree or not to any specific request from others. You are responsible for how much you share, maintaining privacy, holding your own appropriate boundaries, acting in a respectful manner to others.

BE PRESENT

Listen deeply. Aim to listen with a non-judging, curious, compassionate frame of mind. There is no alcohol, drugs, or smoking allowed on the premises and you are expected to be sober. The quality of your presence and participation co-creates the atmosphere and spirit of the group.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE/SPEECH

Please use “I” statements and watch the “shoulds”. Speak for yourself only. Don’t interpret other people’s experience for them. Refrain from including specific numbers when it comes to weight/food/exercise. Some are comfortable with certain terms such as “fat” or the “o” words (please ask facilitator if you are unsure about this), others are not. Please be sensitive of the words you use. We want to maintain space for voices that we do not hear from as often.

EAT AND LET EAT

If there is an issue, please bring it to Nicole and/or the facilitator as soon as possible. Refrain from gossip during or between meetings. I will do some "calling in” initially, however if any sort of disrespectful behavior continues, you will be asked to leave the group and/or not be welcome back.

Accessibility

Unfortunately the current office space requires climbing a flight and a half of steps. I apologize for this and it will be corrected in my next space. Please let me know if you are sensitive to smells.

I want to make this space comfortable and accessible. I am invested in continual learning in how to offer an atmosphere of trust so that everyone can feel welcome and heard. I am “humble and ready to fumble.” Your feedback is welcome, valuable, and appreciated. This document may be updated frequently. Thank you!

Updated 1/25/20.